When The Best Techniques Don’t Work

Fresh out of college, with a degree in special education, I was quite excited when I landed my first job as a teacher in an experimental program – a joint venture between New Mexico State University and the public schools.
The program was housed on the university campus. It was the only classroom and I was the only teacher of 13 children ages six to ten. We were observed by university students through a one-way mirror.
This was a “demonstration classroom” of how to use behavior modification and a “token economy.” The children received poker chips as rewards for completing assignments, participation, and good behavior. At the end of the day the chips were exchanged for prizes.
Misbehavior was “timed-out” in an isolated area of the classroom. They would stay in the time-out area for a short period until they could return and behave appropriately. In short, the techniques are based on the theory that change occurs by rewarding positive behavior and ignoring negative behavior.
One of the children taught me that theory and reality don’t always line up.
Benny was 7 years old, but looked like a stiff little old man. He never laughed, he didn’t play with the other children, and it seemed like his only goal was to see what he could get away with. He was a constant disruption, didn’t care about getting poker chips, and spent a lot of time in time-out.
I tried all the techniques I had learned and nothing worked. I could not motivate him to participate. It was really awful because while he was in time-out, he knocked things over, made a lot of noise and often tried to run away.
One day as I watched him tear up the time-out area for the twentieth time, it occurred to me that I was totally out of ideas. I had tried everything, all the right techniques, and nothing had worked.
I couldn’t keep him in the classroom any longer. It was too disruptive for the other children.
In those days, there was no law that said schools had to provide an education. If I didn’t keep Benny in the class, there was nowhere else for him to go. He would not be in school.
This was the moment of truth.
I walked into the time-out area and sat down on the floor next to him, totally at a loss for what to do or say. After a moment I started to cry, and then I just spoke from my heart.
I told Benny that I knew he thought I didn’t care about him. I told him I cared more about him than he would ever believe, that I had tried everything I knew to help him and I was totally out of ideas. I didn’t know what to do.
Here’s the amazing thing. Benny just looked at me, stunned. He watched me intently while I spoke. He never said a word. But in that moment he transformed from a stiff little old man into a little boy.
As we left the time-out area together, I noticed he had visibly softened. From that moment forward, Benny would do anything I asked. It was incredible. He became a model student. He loosened up and began to laugh and play with the other children. By the end of the year, he was caught up with his own age group and able to enter a regular classroom.
Benny taught me far more than I taught him.
Benny taught me that life’s not just a matter of “handing out the chips.” You can use the all the best techniques, but if you want to make a difference when it really counts, you need to act with your heart as well as your head. I learned that when the best techniques and tips don’t work, try getting real.

Six Guidelines To Create A Vision For The Life You Really Want

Why hasn’t my life turned out the way I planned? Twice in one week I heard this exact same question. Both times I was surprised because each accomplished, attractive woman would be considered enviable by most standards.
Michelle’s warm personality and infectious laugh attracts a lot of friends. She has a loving husband, two teenage sons who are honor students and varsity athletes, and on the side, she trains women to run marathons.
Sarah, an executive in a Fortune 1000 company, is one of the elite group of women who inhabit the C-Suite. Intelligent and with a quick-wit, she’s a natural leader.
So what was the problem?
Michelle was disappointed that she hadn’t created the successful career she had envisioned when she was in college.
Sarah wanted to have children, and she had not fallen in love with a man who measured up to the standards she had in mind for a father. She was now considering adopting a child as a single parent.
If Michelle and Sarah knew each other, they might have been envious of each other. They each had what the other wanted. In one sense, their situations were very different. But in another way, they had sometime quite fundamental in common.
They each had only a vague plan for their lives which they were now unsatisfied with. Having never created a real vision, they didn’t know what they really wanted. When I asked Michelle why she thought a career was important, it was because she had an idea of what a successful woman does. When I questioned Sarah further, I didn’t get the sense that she really wanted children; it was more of an idea she had about what would lead to fulfillment as a woman.
You’re more likely to get what you want if you know what it is.
To help them get clear about what they really wanted, I began with “The Three Whys.” This is how it works: When you think you want something, you ask yourself why you want it. And then ask “why” again. What do you really want? Getting to the core of what you really want reveals your true purpose and what you care most deeply about, your most precious values. Sometimes when we find the answers to these questions, we discover that the things we thought we wanted were things someone else convinced us we wanted—not what we truly desired. Sometimes we buy into other people’s dreams for us, such as our parents, teachers or friends, and lose touch with our own dreams.
In clarifying her vision, Michelle discovered that she actually had created the life she wanted. The voice that told her she should have a professional career was her parent’s, not hers. Her own vision was grounded in having loving relationships, having freedom and flexibility to be creative with her time, and being physically active and healthy. Her current life actually filled these desires..
Sarah discovered, when she clarified her vision, that something was missing from her life, but not what she had thought. What she really wanted was a committed, intimate relationship with a partner. She realized that having children would not give her the kind of love she really desired. She stopped shopping for someone who would be a good father and opened to the possibility of attracting a partner who could engage in the kind of meaningful, loving relationship she really wanted.
Create a vision for your life that reflects what really matters to you.
If you think your life hasn’t turned out the way you planned, it’s time for a reality check. What do you really want?
Most people don’t get clear about their vision overnight. It requires time for reflection, using both logic and a feeling perspective. Vision comes from your own desires, hopes, dreams and values. When you create a vision that resonates with your purpose and values, it generates energy, passion and commitment; and magical things start to happen.
Here are some guidelines to help you as you reflect on your vision:
The most difficult step in a creating a vision is discovering what you truly want. These guidelines can help you discover what matters most to you.
Focus on what really matters to you. Ask, “What do I want to do?” — not “What should I do?”
Use the “Three Whys.” Each time you think you have an answer, ask yourself “Why do I want that?” Dig down to what is fundamentally important to you.
Be proactive, not reactive. Create a vision for what you truly desire, not what you want to move away from. Focus on where you want to go, not what you want to leave behind.
Give yourself permission to explore, to dream. Be creative. Be playful. Use your “right brain” – logic can kick-in later.
Spend some relaxed time dreaming and imagining: What will the results look like; what will be accomplished; how will I feel about myself; how will I feel about others. Focus on the end-result, not the process for getting there.
Don’t limit yourself by what you may think is possible. A vision can overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles.

Collaborative Negotiating Strategies

I believe there are two ways to negotiate: manipulatively and collaboratively. You could call it “win-win” versus “win-lose.” From which perspective do you currently operate?
Manipulative negotiating sees the participants as adversaries. Tactics include exerting power, using subterfuge and hiding your own nonverbal communications. There is a lot of mistrust, tension, and suspicion. The Manipulative Negotiator’s goal is to win. There are usually hard feelings on somebody’s part–typically the loser. The focus is on single answers and positions–”This is what I want!” It’s hardball negotiating. If you are making a one-time negotiation and you’re not going to see the people anymore, perhaps you can get away with it, but it’s not a healthy business practice.
The collaborative negotiator sees the participants as problem solvers looking for a mutually satisfactory solution. It’s a process that both parties can walk away from and feel comfortable that neither one was “had.” It relies on trust, openness, credibility and honesty. The goal is a wise and fair outcome for all parties. The focus is on multiple options. There are many ways to satisfy both parties’ needs, not just one.
Everybody should have a negotiating philosophy. Many people enter important negotiations without having a clear idea of what they would like to accomplish. A negotiating philosophy could be that you want to go for low price; or you may be willing to pay going rates, but you want to get as many additional amenities as possible. Here’s my personal negotiating philosophy: “When two people want to do business with each other, they will not let the details stand in the way. However, when two people do not want to do business with each other, the details will rarely pull the deal together.” If somebody wants to do business with you he is more apt to compromise and less apt to seek unreasonable compromises from you.
There are six major steps to Collaborative Negotiating.
PLAN — MEET — STUDY — PROPOSE — CONFIRM — ASSURE
Planning is all the behind-the-scenes research and preparation that you do before you come face-to-face with the other party in the negotiation process.
The Meeting Phase is where it all begins. Here’s where both parties determine how agreeable they are going to be with each other. You both are positioning yourselves — you’re both trying to project credibility, authority, power, and the ability to back up your promises. Remember, when two people want to do business with each other they will not allow the details to stand in the way. In the meeting phase, both parties determine from the way the other looks, talks, and behaves — “Do I want to do business with you?”
The Study Phase is where the negotiating parties exchange crucial information about what they are trying to accomplish — their end results, goals, needs, and objectives. Each determines all the parameters of the other person’s current situation. There is a danger here. Do not focus too heavily on specifics. Look for the big picture. Do not start looking for “answers” too early, before you understand what the other person is trying to accomplish.
The Proposing Phase is where you clarify all the specifics. Who’s to do what, when, where, how and why? This is where you get commitment and implementation, and sign contracts. This is also where contract details are negotiated and some of the fine points of negotiations come into play.
The Assuring Phase is making sure that everything comes off as planned and that everybody lives up to his end of the agreement. Here’s where the goods or services are delivered as promised, and payment is made.
These steps can occur all together, one at a time, or some can be skipped.
Now let’s look at several specific actions you can take during the six steps of Collaborative Negotiating.
1. Develop a negotiation strategy that clearly spells out what you will and won’t do during the negotiations.
2. Collect as much background information as possible beforehand on the people and companies you’ll be facing in the negotiation process.
3. Evaluate your competitive exposure. What are the odds that another supplier or meeting planner will come up with a better offer than the one you are making? This information can help establish your maximums and minimums.
4. Prepare and role-play with colleagues prior to your initial negotiation meeting. It provides you with confidence in facing questions and situations you are now prepared to handle.
5. Make sure that your clothing, grooming, materials, handouts, preparation and depth of knowledge project credibility, authority and strength. This is where you start creating the “confidence” factor because people do “judge books by their cover.” People will not negotiate seriously with you if they don’t believe you have the power and credibility to make decisions.
6. Tailor your pace and presentation to the individual differences of the other people. People who are very relationship oriented and low in assertiveness are called Relaters and are primarily interested in relationships. Those who are “people” oriented and highly assertive are called Socializers and are interested in recognition. Task oriented, highly assertive people are Directors who are concerned about results. Less assertive, task oriented people are Thinkers who like structure.
Be flexible in your “approach” with the differences in people. It will reduce relationship tension and subsequently increase interpersonal trust, credibility, cooperation and productivity.
7. Take time to study all dimensions of the other person’s current situation. Ask questions and listen with your ears and eyes. Try to determine the end results the other person is attempting to accomplish, not solely his position or demands. However, it would be important to find out the decision-making criteria (must haves vs. should haves vs. nice to haves) of the other person. This will provide you with his/her negotiation limits.
8. When presenting your desires/demands, try to relate them to the end results the other person is attempting to achieve. Show how your requests will also benefit the other person.
9. Negotiate the points of difference. Do not always go for low price (unless that’s your negotiation philosophy). Look for other points to negotiate.
10. Do not attack the other person’s position (specific demands) -Look behind them (objectives/end results).
11. Do not defend your position. Invite criticism and advice, e.g., “What would you do if you were in my position?”
12. At the conclusion of your negotiations, make sure all parties fully and clearly understand who is to do what, when, where, how, and why.
By following the strategies presented in this article, you should significantly improve the outcomes you generate from your negotiations. Furthermore, your counterparts in the negotiation sessions will feel much better about you, the process, and the outcomes. Together you’ll both feel that a “fair” position was reached that was in the best interest of both sides — a “win-win” outcome. That’s the bottom line benefit of Collaborative Negotiating!

Go Through Our Win-Win Negotiation Training To Build Your Career

　　We all have to negotiate some way or the other in each and every phase of life whether is it in the field of learning or in some other business strategies. But sometimes it is hard in case of negotiation such as negotiating a new piece of work, or for a salary increase or even with the price that we have to pay for a house, some times for an advertising campaign or for any used car. So sometimes it is also the soft negotiations such as getting one’s child to do their homework or deciding who is going to do what in any one’s team or some times handling any staff conflict with in the organization. The principles are the same, though but differ at some minute points in each case. So our negotiation programs for the negotiation training some how help people to define their own rules and also the beliefs about the negotiation and how they either support it or get in the same way of the achievable success they desire.
　　Like the case in any game, there are rules and conventions as in every case. So our approach for any good negotiation is not about winning it al through and it is not about someone else losing also. It is through the desired negotiation training; however about learning to play the game in a much better way, only because that is what negotiation is not that simply a game. We always like to think that our work is an aspiration, with more and more people getting a real feel and the actual flavor of how the best negotiators work to achieve the best. It is with subtlety and flair and with the knowing of what to give away, when to make the actual demands and how to compensate when there are many such difficulties. It also deals with how to let go of their positions, or even giving up one want and also even choosing another. From there we are able to look at individual negotiation style of each person and then only can develop negotiation skills of people in being able to see some what better that is going on for other people, or reading the body language, and also some times handling tricky meetings.
　　The behavioral change is really hard at the best of times but so we encourage such a change that is compatible with individuality of each person. Through such negotiations training it also seems that some people are born as a real negotiator and they relish doing such kind of deals as well. But may be in your organization, you may need a lot more than a toe when ever your own people have to enter the negotiating fray in some time of the day. It may be that some times you also have people who do need to do hard negotiations such as union or other contracts, or some times some other bargaining with suppliers, and some times reaching a kind of settlement.

Win-Win Needs Cooperation

　　The phrase “win-win” is looking pretty ragged along about now. How about if we talk about the much more meaningful “both win” strategy for negotiating?
　　The key to creating a successful both-win negotiation is to remember that at its heart, negotiation is all about sharing value between both parties. If it was as simple as that, we really wouldn’t need this blog! However, as human beings we often use one of two different approaches when we enter into a negotiation: competitive mode or cooperative mode. Can you guess which mode most of us enter a negotiation with?
　　When we are in the competitive mode, we focus on who is currently getting how much of the pie. When we are in the cooperative mode, we focus on trying to make the pie larger so that everyone will walk away with more. Clearly the cooperative mode is the route to creating a both-win deal for both parties.
　　So all of this discussion leads to the big discussion: how can we go about creating a both-win deal when we always seem to start out in competitive mode? The answer is that we need to start asking ourselves the right types of questions. Specifically, we need to ask the questions that will allow us to find out what things can be changed that will allow both sides of the table’s interests better. A good example of how to do this is when you start to talk about schedules for what you are negotiating. If you can either receive or deliver the thing that is being negotiated earlier, later, or maybe all at one time or even in parts then all of a sudden there is additional value to share with both parties.
　　One additional way to cause this shift in negotiating modes to occur is to find a way to communicate to the other side of the table that you really WANT to reach an agreement with them, not that you HAVE to. Doing this and helping them feel good about it will go a long way towards allowing you to reach your negotiating goals.
　　If you are able to shift the negotiation from the competitive mode to the cooperative mode, then you will have greatly improved your chances of reaching a negotiated agreement. It’s not always easy to do, but I think that you’ll find the results well worth the effort.
　　What mode do you start your negotiations in: competitive or cooperative? Do you try to shift modes during the negotiation? Have you ever been able to do this successfully? How did the negotiation turn out? Leave me a comment and let me know what you are thinking.

Win-Win Negotiations Training

　　Remove Barriers That Keep People From BuyingHow often do sales people hear - What deal can you give me, Let's split the difference, Can I have the volume discount even without buying the volume, I want a credit, I'll sign the agreement if…., How much can you sharpen your pencil?

　　These are just a few of the many situations sales people negotiate through on a regular basis. Win-Win Negotiations helps to make these encounters better with longer-lasting sales agreements that work.

　　Often revenue losses occur when sales people aren't either prepared, confident, or comfortable negotiating. In addition, sales managers find themselves investing valuable time to reach an agreement with a customer after the sales representative has attempted, unsuccessfully, to resolve an issue.

　　The Right Tools and Techniques
　　Win-Win Negotiations is about achieving sales goals with the use of successful negotiating strategies. It focuses on how to "create value" for mutual gain, build profitable long-term relationships, separate people from the problem, and use objective standards to resolve differences about who should get what. As a result of this workshop, sales representatives gain the tools to prepare for a variety of situations and many of the other day-to-day interactions that require negotiation skills.
　　Sales people will:
　　Work better deals more quickly and efficiently
　　Get people to the table
　　Avoid concessions and decrease your losses
　　Exceed your aspired outcome values
　　Employ methods of fairness
　　Tame the most difficult negotiating situation
　　Build long-term business relationships

Negotiating across Cultures Improve Your Capabilities

　　“In all negotiations of difficulty, a man may not look to sow and reap at once; but must prepare business, and so ripen it by degrees” – Francis Bacon (1561-1626) ‘Of Negotiatin.Negotiation is probably as old as mankind itself and was born out of Homo Sapiens’ early struggles for survival and dominance.
     During the last century or so, negotiation has become a science, dominated by the Americans. But anyone who has mediated at, for instance, a Japanese-US joint venture knows that the moment intercultural factors enter the equation, the landscape can change utterly.In international negotiation, cultural preparation to understand different worlds is central to successful strategy and tactics.
   Is your counterpart persuaded by logic or force of personality? Is price the key issue, or is there a broader more long-term view? Are they more likely to paint a rosy picture of the deal, and expect you to do so, or do they prefer to err on the side of caution, even pessimism? What is their reaction to concessions?
    How do they see you, and how do your assumptions colour your view of them? What is their notion of truth? Of ethics? And, most important of all, what builds trust in their eyes – the glue without which no negotiation is truly going to succeed?But where to begin?

    There are over 200 national cultures world-wide, and many other ‘cultural layers’, such as region, generation, gender, class, education, profession – in fact all the norms that we have learned through being members of a particular group.

How To Make Your Online Business Progressive

This article is all about internet marketing, using the power of internet, a business owner can gain profits and be ahead of the competitors. Internet marketing is used to increase income and promote your own product in different sites. Internet marketing involves selling your product through email messages, as long as you have your own computer with an internet connection you can start working on your business. Negotiating with different clients via email is much easier, faster and hassle free. As an internet marketer, you must know on how to convince those who visited your website and your target audience. Show the advantages of the product, encourage the viewers to try on the product and tell them why they need it.Internet marketing helps in increasing your sales, this is considered as the best strategy in order to make your product popular. Online marketer helps in increasing your sales, instead of hiring an advertising company which charges way too high prices for ads, lame commercials and billboards why not hire an online marketer?

Putting Emotional Intelligence Skills IN The Right Place

Customer relationship management is vital to managerial training and learning procedures in any business organization. It takes foremost place in the business sector, as the growth of any organization is heavily dependent on its repute and goodwill of its clientele. Hence the concept of customer relationship management which gives an insight into the basic codes of conduct regarding company-customer relations. There is a new group of executives known as Customer Relationship executives whose basic responsibility is to acquaint customers with the business profile of their respective companies, their working policies and how their clientele can benefit from them. These executives maintain the fine art of balancing healthy company-customer relations as their primary goal. Customer relationship executives also update clients about company policies, taking care to inform them of plans and structures of the companies before them.　They also look after finances and investments in a big way.
 In certain situations, there are difficult customers and complaints which necessitate absolute negotiation skills to sort out the differences. In the eventful situation of clinching deals or making important HR decisions customer relationship executives form modules like business negotiation skills which help to understand the dynamics of business negotiations. Business negotiation skills would mean looking at the various factors which come into play while negotiating, be it with prospective clients, existing customers, suppliers, employees or even employers. Such an exercise could provide support and advice regarding such situations through proposed theories, statistics and case studies regarding successful as well as not-so-successful deals, to provide a breakdown of what works and what does not in such situations.How to read into emotions and people while negotiating, what are the aspects which need to be considered for successful negotiations, business ethics and codes of conduct (international relationships, gifts for delegates, presentation requirements in terms of gender, nationality, religion and company culture of the client) are all various attributes of effective business negotiation Another important aspect of customer relationship is emotional intelligence training which would provide guidance regarding understanding customers and dealing with related issues. This basically works developing ones EQ (emotional quotient) and helps to understand customers from an emotional standpoint.
Again applicable to all, no matter how big or small, it is very vital to understand your customer to be able to help them or even to decide in which situations they cannot be helped. Emotional intelligence training is an asset to life in general, as it helps an individual to make better group decisions, and hence become an efficient team player and a effectually a good leader. Customer relations is increasingly being considered to be the mantra for success in today's highly competitive corporate world which is also highly customer oriented and is hence an invaluable asset for today's professional.
　　

To Learn Hypnosis and Boost Negotiation Skills

       What are the reasons why a person would wish to learn hypnosis or, more specifically, would wish to learn conversational hypnosis? While some may be able to put forth a direct response to this question, others may not be able to make a direct response. That is because they may be unfamiliar with the reasons associated with learning such a helpful skill. For those that may not have an immediate answer to such a question, here is a common reason why hypnosis can be effectively employed: it can be used to boost one's ability at negotiation skills.

　　Some may assume this is an incredulous statement. That is because they may look at the notion to learn hypnosis for this purpose to be considered an endorsement of sorts for mind control. Most assuredly, this is not the reason why it would be done. Actually, "mind control" hypnosis is something more akin to what would be found in science fiction films as opposed to the realm of negotiations. So, it is best to examine the actual role that the potential to learn hypnosis plays in the art and science of negotiations.
　　Negotiations are, essentially, a means of dealing with the give and take of various parties seeking their own benefit from the process. This does not mean that negotiations are a zero sum game. However, each party needs to achieve their own main benefits in the negotiations. That means the party that ends up persuading the other person to make a decision that is agreeable. When you learn hypnosis, you can effectively improve the ability to guide someone to such a decision can be achieved in a more effective manner.
　　But, is it easy to learn hypnosis? Well, the answer to this question will often be based on how you opt to learn hypnosis. There are a number of books and videos on this subject but they are not exactly the most helpful of product to purchase. Rather than dealing with the lesser products, procuring the audio series produced by master hypnotist Igor Ledochowski would be a much better plan. Without a doubt, these audio recordings could be considered the very best on the market for instilling the skills needs to succeed with such a venture.
　　Why is this? The material on the audio series is well organized, properly produced, and clearly presented. And, of course, the true value of material is its ability to present the most definitive instructional process that has ever been recorded on the subject. That means people wishing to learn hypnosis can most definitely do so with this brilliant audio series.
　　Playing the audio series consistently over a period of time will aid in boosting your skills in hypnosis. Of course, the skills will be developed and refined over the period of time when you actual venture into a negotiation situation. It may take a while to get the hang of things which is true no matter what type of skill you want to develop. When you learn hypnosis and see how strong it improves your negotiation skills, you will realize the time commitment was worth it in the end.
　　Discover the secret a rebel psychiatrist has revealed that allows you to put anyone completely under your control through hypnotism. Want to learn how you can possess the power to get virtually anyone to do what you want?